I Knew Something Was Wrong. They Didn’t Believe Me.
You ever sit in a cold, drab exam room, heart racing, palms sweaty trying to explain what's wrong, only to feel your pain shrink under fluorescent lights?
The Day I Lost My Voice (and didn't yet know it)
After several years, I thought that day—the day I was dismissed by someone I was taught to trust—would fade from my memory. But I guess I am not ready for that inner work yet.
After waiting in the lobby for what felt like years, I was finally “seen.”
I learned that day that being looked at doesn't mean you've been seen.
As an impressionable young child, I told those doctors what I knew and what I knew was my body. Nothing prepares you for the moment people don’t accept what you say you need for your health.
After I shared what I felt—and what I noticed was different—with shaky breath, the only response was: “Are you sure you can’t see?”
It froze me.
The air in that room felt sharp. Cold. Eerie.
What else could I say? How can I convince them I am telling the truth?
Nothing.
The Inner Damage of Being Unheard
Being questioned and not believed by those we’re taught to trust doesn't just hurt physically.
Yeah, the physical damage is done but the emotional damage is just beginning.
Everything I loved to do changed its purpose. The act of doing was no longer out of pure joy, but now used as a way to cope.
Creating miniatures, dancing, crafting… were no longer just hobbies, they were attachments to that little girl before.
Peaceful sleep became insomnia.
Calming showers became mental chaos.
“Was I too dramatic?”
“Did I imagine it?”
“Maybe they’re right…”
Those questions loop like a broken record in my tasteful collection of R&B.
Healing Doesn't Mean Forgetting
So how does one heal from this? I have asked myself this more than a few times.
And I have asked God probably a few more.
Some of this “healing culture” stuff feels like comedy to me.
Like gurl, a candle will not solve my problems. (okay… maybe one of them)
But seriously, hot yoga on Tuesday and sauna sessions on Friday aren’t gonna cure this. The “cure” is much more layered. That takes forgiveness… for yourself.
Replaying the moments over and over is a losing game. Each time you are more likely to find something else you could have done differently.
Why is it, when someone does you wrong, you sit pondering what you should have done differently and the person who did the dirt isn't thinking about that moment at all?
Somebody can rain on your day, and in a quick second, cause a lifetime of floods. But my friend, build you a boat and survive. Because someone can also plant a seed in your life, and cause a lifetime of beautiful blooms.
I am not saying you should forget what happened to you. It made you, you.
Instead, I guess I am trying to provide another way to look at the situation. Now mind you, it took years to get to this level of emotional thinking and I still have years to go. But I do think this way from the shoes I walk in everyday.
Extend grace to yourself, true healing is challenging.
Speaking Up Without Apologizing
If you’re anything like me, an avid people-pleasing, quiet-myself-to-limit-conflict gurl this section is especially made for you.
Although those doctors scarred me—and faced no real consequences… actually got promoted—that didn’t mean I could avoid ever going to the doctor again.
That day was only the beginning of a rollercoaster of chronic illness.
So, I want to share four practical things that have helped me when it’s time to visit the doctor again:
1. Write down your symptoms beforehand.
That way, you can hand it to your care provider or repeat it when your confidence tries to go into hiding.
2. Bring a friend or advocate.
It never hurts to have someone in the appointment with you, someone you trust and who has your best interests at heart.
3. Ask, “Can you help me understand why you feel that way?”
Don’t worry if this feels tough at first. It can be hard to ask such a question to your provider, but I promise you, you are strong, and you have a right to know. Their perceptions directly impact your care.
4. Request a summary before you leave.
It can help you later by having something written to revert back to. You can request an After Visit Summary at the front desk, or ask your provider to write a brief note of the major points discussed during your appointment.
If you’ve ever left an appointment feeling unseen, I made something for you.
Grab the Recentering Rituals guide—something to help you come back to yourself after moments like this.
Reflections
You deserve to be heard.
You will not always be overlooked.
You know your body better than anyone.
You are the most powerful gift you’ll ever own.